it's a bit of a lie though,
labelling this "trial 03"
I've been talking with my subconscious a lot of time
more like "trial XX"
I didn't know for sure
but here I am now
writing my thoughts
my head throbbing like crazy
it hurts a lot
but there'a nothing I can do
I'll wait until it pass
just like I've always been
Is it selfish to ask for help?
Or is it selfish not to ask for help?
either way I couldn't help thinking
that I am selfish
"...perhaps I'm too cruel to myself?"
I laughed
not saying anything but wanting someone to help
not hurting anyone but hurting myself
not wanting to blame but unable to forgive
"Aah... I'm the worst, am I?"
saying that make myself a bit relieved
but I can't deny the building pain too
this will pass
I'm sure it will
there'll come a time where I'll look back
and laugh at my own anxiety here
until then...
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