The Worthless One's Oath

I am just a weakling

a weakling trying to be strong

that’s why I’ll laugh

I’ll smile

in all the pitiful form I am now

no matter how stupid and selfish I might be

I’ll try my best to be “me”

to find “me” and love “me”

by then

can I finally help someone?

Dissecting the subconscious_trial 03

it's a bit of a lie though,
labelling this "trial 03"

I've been talking with my subconscious a lot of time
more like "trial XX"
I didn't know for sure

but here I am now
writing my thoughts
my head throbbing like crazy

it hurts a lot
but there'a nothing I can do


I'll wait until it pass
just like I've always been


Is it selfish to ask for help?
Or is it selfish not to ask for help?

either way I couldn't help thinking
that I am selfish

"...perhaps I'm too cruel to myself?"

I laughed

not saying anything but wanting someone to help
not hurting anyone but hurting myself
not wanting to blame but unable to forgive


"Aah... I'm the worst, am I?"

saying that make myself a bit relieved
but I can't deny the building pain too

this will pass
I'm sure it will

there'll come a time where I'll look back
and laugh at my own anxiety here

until then...

Tale of A Pitiful Monster

one day there was a monster
a monster who looks just like a human
and that monster is always alone


it’s not like the monster hate people
perhaps on contrary he loves human
that’s why when his madness come out
he always secluded himself


so that nobody will get hurt
so that only him will get hurt

but is it really alright to do that?


the monster is different from human
so sometimes he saw people
with a hint of pain in his eyes
but then he remembered


“ That’s right. I’m not a human. ”

and the monster smiled


in reality, what did the monster felt?
he didn’t know himself
perhaps he didn’t feel anything


one day the monster felt strange
the pain kept coming without an end



    it hurts… it hurts… it hurts…

but it’s alright, the monster said

     I’m alright… I’m alright… I’m alright…

he kept chanting those words



it hurts, but I’m fine
because I’m strong
I’ll heal myself in no time
It’s alright


the monster smiled
the monster cried
the monster laughed
the monster screamed


but it’s fine… it’s fine…
the monster never ask for help
because everyone has something else they hold dear
the don’t need a monster to weight them down


but deep down
perhaps… just perhaps…
the monster whispered another word


“…help me…”


those words
withered in the air silently

and reached nobody’s ear...