Dissecting the subconscious_trial 02

Sitting.

Alone.

Waiting.

Nothing to do.

I close my eyes and call them.

    "Nechros"    "Randall"

My ID and SuperEgo

"Hello, long time no see."

Nechros jumps and waves, Randall stays as he is.

I shrug.

"More like, you're bored, true?"

Very clever, Nechros, very. I shrug, one more time.

"Then let's talk! Let's talk!! 

About what on your mind now, about your anxiety, 

about your confusion, about your excitement, about your, well, everything!"

Randall sighs once, shaking his head. He always do that.
It feels like watching a typical anime character's gestures.
Which is funny, because that's just how my subconscious works. 

From what I love and see.

"It's too risky to go "crazy-mode" now. You're living in a dorm now, 

with a ROOMMATE who know nothing about your wicked side. Don't take that risk."

I nod, muttering a soft 'that's quite true, indeed', 

remembering all past experiences and rejections. 

Because I always put on a bold front. 

I'm seen as a very strong person.
So I need to be the one protecting her.

"And your image?" 

I smiled a bit.

Perhaps that's true, as well.

Like a symbol on a flag. Like a warhead. Like cover of a book.

Even if it's just a mere image, I have to be a guidepost.

I want to be a 'guidepost' 

for those who are lost.

So I will show my strong side and hear their worries.

And I'll hide my weak self.

Perhaps one day I'll be strong for real.

"But isn't that lonely?"

Yes, Nechros, quite so.
But I'm sure there's some who feel the same.

This self-obligation.

And we'll meet with each other,
sharing our own hidden selves 

Randall sighs like a defeated parent.

"We can only talk, both me and Nechros.

The decision is yours."

I smile wider,

closing my eyes and opening it in another second.

Returning to the little room of my dorm.

Yes, this is my choice.

My way of life.

Teaser - Encounter

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Dissecting the subconscious_trial 01

They said the subconscious holds one's inner most desire.

Their true self.

Nobody can let their true feelings out because their subconscious is filtered by their conscious mind.

Now that I'm lost, let's try to remove that filter,
if only for a while,
and let the subconscious speak.

I said to my subconscious "Let's talk" and there he said "Alright" while bouncing out of joy with a smile stretch from ear to ear.

Nechros, I called him. A name given from another friend of mine.

He is my ID. I made him to represent my subconscious desire. Without name, it's easy to forget him. But now with name, he could go as far as materializing himself in front of me and speak oh so boastfully with no care whatsoever.

"Stop being such a lunatic" another voice said.

And there's Randall, my super-ego. The strongest voice of my reason. The pessimistic and realist side of mine.

They quarrelled a lot, but that's just how I made them. Because without their constant bickering I couldn't find myself. I would end up drifting to the void. Like I had always been.

Whenever I'm lost I talk to them, or more like mediating their arguments. It's fun sometimes, and not fun at times. Just like everything there are; nothing is always 'nice'.

So now why am I writing this?

Soon enough I have abandon this self-speak; I can hear the voice of my family calling me downstair, dragging me out of my personal quality time with myself.

....

Well, remind me not to delete this post.

The very words written without any filter from my unconscious mind.

Maybe I'll continue this later. Besides, this is only the first trial. I know the twisted yet wonderful realm of mind holds a lot of mysteries.

For now, I'll let Nechros and Randall sleep.

Till then...