Dissecting the subconscious_trial 02

Sitting.

Alone.

Waiting.

Nothing to do.

I close my eyes and call them.

    "Nechros"    "Randall"

My ID and SuperEgo

"Hello, long time no see."

Nechros jumps and waves, Randall stays as he is.

I shrug.

"More like, you're bored, true?"

Very clever, Nechros, very. I shrug, one more time.

"Then let's talk! Let's talk!! 

About what on your mind now, about your anxiety, 

about your confusion, about your excitement, about your, well, everything!"

Randall sighs once, shaking his head. He always do that.
It feels like watching a typical anime character's gestures.
Which is funny, because that's just how my subconscious works. 

From what I love and see.

"It's too risky to go "crazy-mode" now. You're living in a dorm now, 

with a ROOMMATE who know nothing about your wicked side. Don't take that risk."

I nod, muttering a soft 'that's quite true, indeed', 

remembering all past experiences and rejections. 

Because I always put on a bold front. 

I'm seen as a very strong person.
So I need to be the one protecting her.

"And your image?" 

I smiled a bit.

Perhaps that's true, as well.

Like a symbol on a flag. Like a warhead. Like cover of a book.

Even if it's just a mere image, I have to be a guidepost.

I want to be a 'guidepost' 

for those who are lost.

So I will show my strong side and hear their worries.

And I'll hide my weak self.

Perhaps one day I'll be strong for real.

"But isn't that lonely?"

Yes, Nechros, quite so.
But I'm sure there's some who feel the same.

This self-obligation.

And we'll meet with each other,
sharing our own hidden selves 

Randall sighs like a defeated parent.

"We can only talk, both me and Nechros.

The decision is yours."

I smile wider,

closing my eyes and opening it in another second.

Returning to the little room of my dorm.

Yes, this is my choice.

My way of life.